It’s January. It's cold and regretfully we are without snow here in the Midwest. Winter without skiing just feels wrong. It’s been said that bowling is a winter sport. Let’s stick with this theme today.
The past couple of months have been a bit of a roller coaster for me career wise. “Strikes and gutter balls” as The Dude would say. In terms of gutter balls, I won’t go into the details, but there’s always some level of disappointment in academia. It’s a field, where you and your work are constantly being evaluated. Papers get rejected, grants go unfunded, proposals are denied. Thick skin is a must to survive. With rejection often comes a lot of self reflection. It’s easy to fall into the Impostor syndrome trap.
After my most recent bout with rejection, however, I oddly don’t feel like an imposter. I actually feel more confident in myself and my capability. Unfortunately, this has had an impact on my motivation. Not necessarily a negative impact. Just an impact on what motivates me. I find myself asking what the next step is. What’s the point? To this point in my career, I’ve always been looking for the next thing. Always reaching. And admittedly, doing some things simply for the sake of adding it to my résumé.
But now I’m wondering if I’m at a point where I should stop doing things solely for the sake of padding my stats. Rather, focus on the things that I find rewarding and impactful. This is a difficult thing to consider however! The American work culture is one that constantly pushes individuals to continually keep working harder, to achieve more, and to be efficient in the process. It’s easy to feel like a failure if you are not always running this race.
Putting those feelings aside, if I were to stop and think about the things I most enjoy about my work life, so many things come to mind. It’s extremely rewarding to work with students on a daily basis. The energy they bring is infectious. I love the opportunities I have to be creative. I get to ask and answer new questions. I get to create new knowledge. I love building programs and seeing the impact that comes with organizing a group of humans towards a singular mission.
That’s a lot of strikes! And if I know anything about bowling (I actually don’t but stick with me), the strikes are the things that stick with you. The things that bring joy. You don’t have to be perfect to enjoy the game. Just a few lucky rolls and friends to share the experience with.
